leading to a different path

leading to a different path

Finding my outlet to turn my thoughts into words, the new year pursues a different path for me. 2020 was a year of pushing my luck which fortunately led me to somewhat contrasting achievements than what I intended to. Those small achievements were the best and I couldn't have asked for more. 2020 felt like the straightening iron, instead of my hair, it straightened my life.

I'm leading the new year to a different path, a path of strengthening myself, the people (or dogs) around me, and the life goals I aspire to. As I reread the sentences before this, I begin to acknowledge the challenges ahead. I am not a very active person nor a goal setter. What's worst is, despite having "patient" as one of my strong suits, when it comes to achieving something personal, I am the opposite. 

Recently, I have graduated with a master's degree in business administration. I am proud of that achievement, and to be honest, my thinking was the fruit of all my work to accomplish that education. However, no matter how badly I want to mentally rest, there's no way I would be able to. This is not just because of the adjustments I have been doing, but also because I don't want to stop growing. I have recently developed a fear of the world leaving me behind once I stop growing and developing mentally. Yet another part of me wants to just mentally stop and take a breather. 

'Have I not been taking a breather for the past years?' This is the question that runs through my head as soon as the other part of me clings for mental rest. I can't really answer this question generally, as I have been doing as much and less for myself. Maybe, with all that I'm willing to do and take this new year, I could finally reflect and find the answer to this question. 

I can't say that I want to become a better person neither do I have a list of resolutions. I just desperately want to lead the new year into a different path of strengthening myself and becoming a capable person who can handle herself in spite of the situations. I'll lead a life of discovering new things and continuing the things I do best, the things that define me. Are those enough to trigger change? Maybe, maybe not, and there's only one way to find out.