I am raising my child quite differently from how we were raised. I am not comparing two different kids from different cultures; however, I noticed the shock and expressions when they learn how I am raising my son. I am a first-time mother, and everything I learn about raising a kid is based on instinct and readings we have made for over three years, so I am not saying what I am doing is right; however, my parenting is entirely based on how my son responds to it. I am just doing my best to raise him to have a better mental and emotional well-being than I had.
My first priority was my son's language skills. I hear that it would be beneficial for the child to hear two or more languages at home. They encouraged us to practice my native language with my son. I do speak in English with him, but I am focused on both of our Finnish languages. As you know, I have been learning Finnish for the past 6 years, and my son has been developing his Finnish language at home and in daycare. I focused on one language at home so he won't be confused in daycare. Now that my son speaks Finnish fluently, I think it's time to add the English language in his skills.
Conversations. We have kid-friendly conversations as simple as "How was your day?" "Who did you play with?", most of the time it goes deeper than that. We try to explain to him everything we do and the consequences. He might not understand it yet, but at least his conversation skills will improve. It is important to us that we speak nicely and appropriately with him, not a baby voice or language. My parents are surprised that my son speaks intelligently; for me, it is an appropriate skill for his age.
Basic skills are what we are learning every day. My goal is for my son is to function independently. Some people in different cultures see it as "neglect" or "not taking care of your kid". However, I believe that toddlers should learn basic skills when they can. Skills like putting clothes on, putting their toys away, washing their own hands, using the potty, listening to parents, eating independently, knowing what "no" means, going to sleep on his own, and many more.
At the moment, I don't focus on academic skills such as "A B Cs", they come along the way in our daily lives, for example, when we are counting toys or foods, or reading books, etc. However, he knows colors, animals, shapes, and names of things. We are focused on skills such as communication skills, understanding skills, following instructions, being active, and many more.
We have a routine. My son has routines, and sometimes we skip them depending on the situation. In between our routines, we have time to do whatever we need, for example, going to the playground, or going to malls but it is important that he comes home before the next routine.
Spending time with my son is the best thing. We spend so much time with him to develop a strong bond and trust between us. He is included in everything we do especially simple house chores. Our goal is for him to trust us when he needs us and for us to be able to trust him as well. Spending time with him is non-negotiable; we would stop the whole world from spinning just to be with him.
Parenting. I can't break down my parenting techniques in this post because it would be long and difficult to explain. However, I am learning and applying this "gentle and montessory parenting" (not to be confused with permissive parenting). I do not physically hit my son or use fear to discipline him, I grew up in that style so I know the toll it takes to a kid and how useless it is. I do raise my voice sometimes when he is not listening or simply disobeying despite many changes, because it's the only way for him to understand that we are starting to get frustrated. Anyway, I am trying a gentle approach on things, introducing him to boundaries and different ways to deal with tantrums and temper. It is important that he knows his rules and respects them the way we respect his wishes. We don't give up easily when he is testing our boundaries and we listen to him when he is reasonably asking for something. We explain things to him instead of saying "no no no" and understand why he is misbehaving at the moment. For example, if he is misbehaving or having temper tantrum after daycare, it could mean that he is overwhelmed and trying to release stress so we don't lecture him or embarrass him, we understand him. So we put him aside, or wait for him to calm down by himself.
Knowing when to say sorry. As parents, we sometimes have this mentality that we know best for our kids, but for me, staying humble and knowing when to apologise is more important than being right.
How we raised our kids is based on their willingness to cooperate as well. Forcing them in this kind of parenting has never been my goal. Sometimes I bend the rules for my son, but it is important that he has strong structure and order at home because he needs it to grow up. If we let him lose, he won't learn anything and that is neglect for me. He needs his parents, and parenting is never easy. It is not putting your kid in front of the TV the whole day, or letting them break boundaries because it's easier, or discipling them without explaining to them why. As a mother and primary caretaker, I am most of the time tired, but I am pushing my limit for the development of my son.
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